This art is a testament of truth, self-exploration & personal growth during my darkest hour. An exercise of self-worth & personal sovereignty. My realization that you can be more than one thing in this life. Through this process, I discovered true fulfillment by opening my mind & allowing myself to be creative. That fulfillment allowed me the freedom to take a giant leap of faith & pursue a different path... & a different side of myself...
Couture is my debut NFT collection. This is my life, my journey & my story told through art.
death & taxes
the 1st piece i worked on for the collection. its also the piece that inspired the title of "ChAOS & COUTURE"... where i had gone through my journal & relived experiences i had as a model. from my agency calling me to tell me that i had booked a job in paris (i was 18 years old), but i would have to find a place to sleep that night because the client couldn't afford a hotel for me. or when i shot the cover of PLAYBOY & i agreed without knowing how little $3,000 was to sell the rights of my images forever. or when i had been up for a massive beauty campaign that would have changed my life, but my agent intentionally sabotaged me from getting the contract by not telling me about the casting. i was dating someone at the time who just so happened to be the casting photographer who was on set that day... and he was like "where are you?! we've been waiting for you over an hour!"... i wasn't even in town, & i didn't get the contract. Gigi Hadid did. later my agent called me and said that he didn't have the "bandwidth" to continue representing me. i asked why, after pressing him, he said "sorry... i have to focus on Gigi." this is the 20th version of this piece (no exaggeration). it has frustrated me. motivated me. inspired me. i have had previous versions where i thought it was perfect, & then i destroyed that version. the original looked completely different & it had 50 stories/diary entries on it. i think i was trying to squeeze my whole story into a single piece... ultimately it made me realize it couldn't be done. which is what inspired the idea of the collection. although it was the first piece of the collection, it was the last one i completed. my life has been completely chaotic, & many situations have left me feeling uncertain. uncertain of myself, my abilities, my capabilities as a person/model, my future. there's only two things in life that i'm sure of... death & taxes
i thought i had control over my career. i thought my agents, clients, & overall industry had my back... we were working together. or so i thought. as time went by, i realized they had full control/ownership over everything in my life: how much food i ate, how much i weighed, how much money i made, & where i sat in the pecking order of things. they could give me the world or take it away with a snap of their fingers... i felt suffocated like i couldn't breathe... not knowing what could/would happen next. so i left...
this piece was created in the aftermath of the supreme court decision to overturn roe v. wade. as a woman, it made me feel small... & afraid. i was knee deep into the creative process of another piece i had been creating, & stopped to work on this piece. by definition the term "wolves" refer to "a rapacious, ferocious, or voracious person or thing" - i felt this towards the government as well as my industry...
looking in the rear-view mirror of my life... the struggles, the triumphs, victories & losses. i also realized throughout these experiences it was never about the money or fame for me... i was seeking happiness. in life, there are no clear cut paths to contentment. for me there was no "eureka!" moment... there is no treasure map to follow in life. instead, i had to embrace/appreciate the journey... not hope for it upon arrival at the destination... manifest your own destiny
a piece that i started the day i was hit by a car walking home. i was put onto heavy medication, & it also effected other medications i was already on. my jaw was closed & i realized not a single person who had represented me for years as a model had reached out to see how i was doing. i couldn't really move so i was basically stranded on my couch & could only draw inspiration from my memories & what was in front of me (i have a replica of king tut & a palm free in my living room).